Father’s Day Gifts that Will Make You the Favorite ChildApril 27, 2016
What does dad really want for Father’s Day? It’s a question that’s plagued humanity since the dawn of time—and yet not a single Greek philosopher ever found the answer, which is just as well because they are all extinct anyways. It’s okay. We’re going to help you out of this jam and make you the favorite son or daughter in the process. The secret to a successful Father’s Day gift is to give him the one thing he can’t have back: his bachelorhood.
Father’s Day Gifts: The Good Goods
Your father is a special man. He sold his soul to corporate America long ago to pay for your hopes and dreams and that sweet coupe you drove all through college (and for most of you, college was included in his bill as well). He gave up things he loved and held dear because, at the time at least, he loved you more. These Father’s Day gifts will give him back a little bit of the life he had before he had you, as well as celebrate the fact that he’s more than just a dad, he’s a man!
Steve McQueen’s… Anything
Steve McQueen was a man. A real man. He was so much of a man that pretty much everything he’s ever owned has appreciated in value. This could be a tough one to pull off because to lay your grubby mitts on something previously owned by Steve McQueen, you’re gonna need some serious cash—but rest assured: your father will never get a better Father’s day gift, no matter what he tells his other children.
Some of our top suggestions for Steve McQueen memorabilia:
- His Le Mans racing suit.
- His 1974 Indian Chief motorcycle.
- His highly collectible and incredibly sought-after leather motorcycle jacket.
A Real Man’s Shaving Kit
A real, classy shave takes time and that’s something that dads don’t have. That’s why your dad probably shaves his face with a razor that has 9 blades, has more features than a Swiss army knife, and probably contains enough CIA technology to overthrow your standard third-world dictatorship…but still is about as effective as using a jagged piece of glass. Either that or your beloved father hides his shame behind one of those grizzled beards that people claim are so fashionable now. Your father is better than that and you know it! Get him a fine, single-blade straight razor shaving kit.
A Classy Poker Set
Remember how we just pointed out that dads don’t have a lot of free time? Remember? Seriously, it was all of six sentences ago…
Well, Fathers love free time and they love to do things with their free time—like play a rousing game of poker. But it’s so embarrassing to play poker with worn out cards and cheap plastic chips that look more like they were designed to play Connect-4. That’s why we recommend getting a poker set that says, “You can’t meet the minimum buy-in”.
Option 1: A walnut and mahogany model that features a calf skin/ calf hair exterior and one stylish deck of cars. About $500.
Option 2: A bourbon poker set with Italian leather and stainless steel hardware. He’ll be the envy of all his friends and really, that’s what every man dreams of.
The Ultimate Recliner
Fact: your dad derives no pleasure from coming home after a hard day of work to a broken-down fabric couch full of bits of food, miscellaneous stains, and random toy parts. Every time he sits on that monstrosity a piece of him dies. So prevent your dad’s untimely death by giving him the day-ending treat of a lifetime: the ultimate recliner.
We can’t even begin to point you in a direction, but we can tell you the qualities that a good recliner has:
- Soft, wide arms that are low enough to let his tense shoulders finally relax.
- Full-grain leather with just enough texture that he won’t stick to it even if he’s in that chair from Friday night until Sunday morning.
- Lumbar support (Sitting is hard).
- Foot rest—if it doesn’t come with one, you’re wrong. This is not a recliner. It is a chair. Start over.
His Own Fridge
This is a gift that is often overlooked, but wrongfully so. When your dad was single he filled his fridge with a majestic horde of beer, snack food, and meat. Now that he has a family and has to worry about tedious things such as “nutrition”, odds are there isn’t much room for dad food staples.
The obvious remedy is to get him is own fridge where he can stuff his dad snacks for when he has to eat away that sadness brought on by painful bouts of nostalgia involving his boyhood adventures and long-lost bachelorhood.
Get him his own fridge and he may finally forgive you for crashing his 1961 Ferrari GT.
Probably not, though.
How do I pay for this stuff
Your dad had to learn how to save money when he had you – now it’s your turn to learn. One way to save money is to lower your bills. Why not start with auto insurance? People who compare auto insurance rates save on average 30%. What are you waiting for?